Zero Grab Rail Shitter Egress

A modest fitness goal for real life

Egress: “the act of going out or leaving”.

As life’s goals go, this is a modest but worthy one. Make it to the end of your days with no requirement (zero) for a grab rail for shitter egress.

In case you don’t know, probably because you’re not there yet, an ordinary installation in a geezer’s bathroom is a grab rail near the toilet. The purpose of said grab rail is to aid in removing your aging ass from the toilet after you’ve finished your business (aka shitter egress).  

Whether or not you need a grab rail is a real-life commonsense evaluation of your physical fitness. Using a toilet to do your business requires doing a squat. The first half of the squat is lowering yourself to the toilet. The second half of the squat is getting yourself up off the toilet.

When I say squat here, I’m talking about the exercise called a “squat” where you lower your hips until your thighs are parallel (or nearly so) to the ground and then stand back up.

Can you do a squat? If you can’t, then you may need a grab rail to get off the toilet. If you can do a squat, then you likely don’t need a grab rail to get off the toilet.   If you’re fit and you need a grab rail to egress, then it must have been a helluva shit.

Sitting down in a chair (or on a bench or anywhere) also requires a squat. To sit down, you do the first half of a squat. To get up, you do the second half of the squat.

Life is better if you don’t need assistance to sit down and assistance to get up whether that’s sitting on the toilet or sitting in a chair or sitting anywhere.  You make life better by keeping the ability to sit down and to get up without help.

Keeping that ability means keeping the ability to do a squat. The squat motion is fundamental to life and it is straightforward to keep it. To keep the ability to do squats; do squats.

Squats appear simple, but there is a lot going on. Start from a standing posture and lower your hips until your thighs are parallel to the floor. While you are lowering your hips, keep your back straight and erect, look forward, and flex your hips, knees, and ankles. Your feet should stay flat on the floor.

Lots of muscle groups take part in a squat. That is precisely why squats are so good for you.  I’ll leave the anatomy/physiology lesson to medical personnel, but squats are good for you specifically because they strengthen so many muscle groups that are used in ordinary everyday tasks. 

Start with whatever you can do. If you can squat only a few inches, do that until you build up the strength to go deeper. Do squats every day, multiple times per day. Over time, increase the depth of your squats until you can bring your thighs parallel to the floor. Try to gradually increase the number of squats you can do.

Squats don’t require any equipment and they don’t require any special clothing.  Squats build your strength, squats improve your balance, (full) squats stimulate peristalsis which makes it easier to take a crap, and squats can help you avoid the requirement for a grab rail to get off the toilet.

It’s a worthy goal even if it’s a modest one. Do squats; avoid the dreaded grab rail shitter egress.

Finally, the disclaimer that our litigious times require: I’m not a doctor nor am I a physical therapist.  Checking with your doctor or physical therapist is always a good idea before starting any new exercise program.

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